Sources close to the situation have reported that Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo is being pulled before the second half due to possibly permanent blindness caused by hair gel melting into his eyes. Speculation began as, around the 15’ mark, onlookers observed Ronaldo’s normally well-coifed hair began sagging as he dripped sweat during the unusually hot match. Around the 30’ minute mark Ronaldo’s hair had wilted into a set of crumpled spider’s legs glued to his eyelashes as the heat poured down on the perspiring playmaker. Finally, about five minutes before the break, tensions rose as a blinded Ronaldo stood almost motionless with his arms extended, pleading for help as balls were repeatedly bounced off his unexpecting body. We will provide further updates as they become available.