Cristiano Ronaldo pulled at halftime as melting hair gel renders him unable to see

Sources close to the situation have reported that Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo is being pulled before the second half due to possibly permanent blindness caused by hair gel melting into his eyes.  Speculation began as, around the 15’ mark, onlookers observed Ronaldo’s normally well-coifed hair began sagging as he dripped sweat during the unusually hot match.  Around the 30’ minute mark Ronaldo’s hair had wilted into a set of crumpled spider’s legs glued to his eyelashes as the heat poured down on the perspiring playmaker.  Finally, about five minutes before the break, tensions rose as a blinded Ronaldo stood almost motionless with his arms extended, pleading for help as balls were repeatedly bounced off his unexpecting body.  We will provide further updates as they become available.

Author: David Martin

Writing for fiftyfive.one and davesiknow.com. Propagator of soccer satire. @offensive_loons on Twitter and Reddit.

One thought

  1. This also happened to CR7 back in 06′. He consulted with the famed Manchester United beautician that later went on to put in Wayne Rooney’s hair plugs. They had come up with a system of using a whole can of TREsemme hair spray to avoid melting gel into his eyes. According to Marca.com he switched back to LA Looks hair gel after a recent hair cut.

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