David Beckham announces planned stadium inside Miami H&M

Ending months of uncertainty and frustration as the global star has tried to land an MLS franchise in the city, David Beckham announced this morning that he has reached a firm deal to build a soccer-specific, 19,000 seat stadium inside a Miami area H&M.

“This is a major coup for Mr. Beckham, the city of Miami, and of course the venerable people at the Lincoln Road H&M” said Miami mayor Tomás Pedro Regalado from a dais assembled around a trough of 99 cent ladies underwear.  “We expect the venue to be privately funded save for strategic tax incentives, and we expect the new stadium will be a major revenue generator for our community.” 

Renderings of the proposed stadium revealed a safe standing section built above a rack of ten dollar sport coats and a craft beer garden fenced off with semi-translucent A-shirts for fourteen-year-old boys. 

“It is a dream come true,” Beckham gushed, adorned only in stylish-yet-affordable skin-tight boxers.  “I have wanted to bring top tier soccer to Miami ever since [I learned it could be a semi-lucrative market and did not already have an MLS franchise], and today we are one step closer to realizing that goal.”

Jayden Webber, store manager for the H&M franchise, was unable to be reached for comment as his live-in boyfriend had the car for the day and he could not make it to work.

Author: David Martin

Writing for fiftyfive.one and davesiknow.com. Propagator of soccer satire. @offensive_loons on Twitter and Reddit.

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