In an unprecedented move, less than the expected seven days after announcing the postponement of the decision, the United States Soccer Federation has announced the formation of their new Pro/Rel Dating App, conveniently titled Mermaid Psyche.
Soccer fans and non-fans alike can sign up for Mermaid Psyche for free and using an enhanced algorithm you will only get matched up with the best possible fit. The algorithm factors in everything like your net worth, population of the city you currently occupy, your history of supporting soccer, and how much you believe, amongst other things.
Advanced users can bypass all of this though by paying an exorbitant fee and being matched up with nothing but solid California 8’s and up. This fee is reduced in half if you are an underwear model and want to hang out in Miami.
One of the features of the app is that everyone is grouped by divisions and you can easily move up to a new division with a well placed credit card transaction.
Beta testing begins today with test markets in San Diego, Saint Louis, Charlotte and Detroit getting the app first.