Welcome to ‘The Daves I Know’

Please have a seat.  Welcome.  We are glad to have you on our website.  Please, make yourself at home.  Feel free to click around.  No one is watching.

The Daves I Know is a labor of love and hate by Minnesota United FC fans and general soccer nerds David Zeller and David Martin.  We wanted to bring our own spin on our lovely Loons and on the soccer world around us, that spin including uninformed punditry, heated off-topic discussions, and alcohol-fueled cries for help in the encroaching darkness.  In a more practical sense, it means this:


We will be hosting a weekly podcast that will cover the previous United game and the upcoming United game from a tactical perspective.  This is not the place to go to find the latest headlines; you can get that anywhere.  Instead, this is where to find whom and what to watch for, what the upcoming team is going to bring tactically, and how United can take them on.  Of course, you’ll also get satire content like fake commercials, jaunty sing-alongs, skits, and insidious banter.


Launching alongside The Daves I Know podcast is a dedicated satire site covering all of world soccer.  This includes the following:

  • News – Finally, get all the latest fictional soccer news in one source.  Ripped straight from the imaginary headlines, our award-winning news coverage will help you while away hours at work, immersing yourself in a shared fantasy you and we inhabit.
  • Clickable – You cannot resist the temptation to click.  Check here for listicles, unbelievable stories, and jaw-droppingly misleading article titles.
  • Magazine – Don’t have time to read?  Don’t know how?  Catch glimpses of our latest print magazine that definitely exists by seeing some of the top pieces you are missing.  Or, pick up your own copy today, sold exclusively at newsstands in Meadow Creek, WY!


TL;DR?  Then just take if from two Daves when we say, “go fuck yourself, head back to the top of the page and read this announcement, we didn’t take all this time writing it so that you could fast forward to the end.”

You can get up now.

Author: David Martin

Writing for fiftyfive.one and davesiknow.com. Propagator of soccer satire. @offensive_loons on Twitter and Reddit.

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