Sideline reporter Jamie Watson bumps into interviewee, falls to ground in feigned agony

About thirty seconds into a fan-on-the-street interview ahead of Minnesota United’s latest match, sideline reporter Jamie Watson accidentally lightly brushed up the person he was interviewing and crumpled to the pavement, wailing in pretend anguish out of sheer habit.

“Yeah, it was a little embarrassing” recalled Watson, who played professional soccer for over a decade and spent much of that time diving to the turf in ersatz fits of tortured howls at even the slightest provocation.  “Some habits die hard, I guess.”

Watson has been eager to embrace his new role within the United organization, but has been slow to adapt to certain changes required by his new position.  During a training session in Portland, Watson ran onto the field, intercepted a ball from a 5-on-2 drill, and dribbled the length of the field to shoot the ball into an unguarded net.  Watson peeled off his dress clothes in celebration to reveal a picture of an ICEE he had painted onto his chest in anticipation of the goal.

At press time, Watson was seen on his knees demanding a yellow card from an anonymous security guard as a player overran the touchline and stepped on his Watson’s jacket.

Author: David Martin

Writing for and Propagator of soccer satire. @offensive_loons on Twitter and Reddit.

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