In an unprecedented move, President Donald Trump outed himself as a Pro/Rel Enthusiast at his Joint Session speech on February 28th. In addition to positing that anti-Semitic bomb threats and cemetery vandalism could be politically coordinated attacks to “make people look bad,” President Trump came out, voraciously for Pro/Rel.
“Why can’t the little guy get ahead in America. Sad! We need a system in this country that works for everyone! Let’s make Major League Soccer a thing again! Just imagine a world where my friend Robert Kraft can own all of the soccer teams, wouldn’t that be bigly!”
Every single Republican applauded for almost two minutes after the spin on the infamous Trump tagline. Most Democrats remained seated including Representative Keith Ellison (MN-DFL) and Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT).
Said Sen Sanders, “I applaud Trump for trying to open up the pyramid of US Soccer, but I’m quite sure he has no (fucking) idea what words just came out of his mouth.” Representative Betty McCollum, who represents Saint Paul and the site of the new soccer stadium to be built there in Saint Paul was too busy complaining about the governments funding of NASCAR to comment.
Trump has admitted that part of his First 100 Days agenda was jamming Pro/Rel down the throats of his enemies and he has said recently that it is an “unbelievably complex issue” and that “no one has ever talked about how unbelievably complex it is, before.”
Noted troll @soccerreform was seen clutching his precious shortly after the speech.
Representative Ellison told us that he’s mostly “just tired of this bullshit” and “can’t wait to kick the orange cheetos ass very, very soon,” adding that, “every single damn person (who follows soccer) in the US knows how freaking hard (Pro/Rel) is to implement.”