MNUFC after dreadful loss, automatically relegated back to NASL

Minnesota United FC after getting thrashed by the Portland Timbers 5-1 on Friday night have been immediately relegated back to the NASL.

MLS Commissioner Don Garber cited the “takey-backey” clause in MLS Rules and Regulations in ruling that the current Minnesota team would be immediately given back to NASL and in their place the ownership group of the Minnesota Vikings would be given control of the franchise.

“We don’t do this lightly,” Garber noted, “In fact we have never had to invoke the takey-backey clause, but extraordinary circumstances and all.”

Those extraordinary circumstances were apparently the loss to Portland in the MLS Season Opening match. Dr. Bill McGuire was flabbergasted at the turn of events. “Listen, they gave me less than 9 months from the ‘official’ official announcement. What did they expect?”

Many Minnesota United fans were upset when they heard the news after the match. Thom Pimm, a brand new MNUFC supporter put it succinctly, as he slammed his 10th Vodka soda, “I’m not following this shit if it’s not in the major leagues.”

Pimm’s sentiment was shared by many who have never seen a soccer match or refuse to watch any match that is not a EPL match.

Zygmund Wilf, Mario Kart villian and Minnesota Vikings owner was overjoyed by the news. “As everyone in Minnesota well knows we care about not-American football here in Winter Park. We built the People’s Stadium for all people, including stupid people who like soccer. We even sponsored soccer brunches a couple of years ago and we have had some soccer matches in our stadium. One might argue that we are more dedicated to soccer than anyone else in this state.”

Wilf was of course referring to a USWNT match and a friendly between Chelsea and AC Milan that took place at US Bank Stadium.

No one knows for sure what will happen to the iconic loon logo and name, but all physical assets have been transferred to the WIlfs. “It’s disappointing,” said McGurie, “We worked really hard. I just wish MLS rules were a little less complicated and I had actually read the contract I signed.”

The newly re-branded Vikings FC take the pitch next on Sunday March 12th when they host their Home Opener at TCF Bank at 4pm against fellow expansion side and NFL Owner Arthur Blank’s Atlanta United. Tickets are still available and the game will be seen on ESPN2

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