Timber Joey to open chainsaw dispensary in Portland

Citing the fact that laws around the practice are “totally chill” now, Timber Joey announced his intention to launch an independent chainsaw dispensary in the Beaverton area of greater Portland.

“It’s great: as long as you have a license, you can sell chainsaws, vapesaws, and all kinds of chainsaw accessories, and you don’t even need a medical reason to be in possession of them,” Timber Joey reflected.  “It gets a little tricky when you bring your chainsaws to other states, especially when you try to bring it on a plane.  That’s why I like to bake some chainsaw treats before I head somewhere, if you catch my drift.”

As of press time, the smell of sawdust nearby was so strong, you could tell people just totally chainsaw right out in the open and don’t give a fuck in Portland.

Author: David Martin

Writing for fiftyfive.one and davesiknow.com. Propagator of soccer satire. @offensive_loons on Twitter and Reddit.

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