Week 3 Precaps

Your award winning segment wherein we save 22 hours of your life by telling you exactly how the games will go. You get to spend time with your loved ones (or your mistress or drinking at the bars with your buddies, because you know, March Madness)

NYCFC v MON – No Drogba Mo Problems. Despite losing in Orlando week one NYCFC bounced back and trounced United Prime 4-0, expect a similar smack down of the Impact

VAN v TOR – The other two Canadian teams square off in the BC. Hey did anybody else watch that show Taboo, that thing was kinda fucked up. Anyway, part of that show is about an island near Vancouver. Whatever, fuck you, Toronto wins

ATL v CHI – Two hot teams tangle in Chocolate City. Which is the hotter of the teams? Martin thinks Hotlanta rolls, I tend to agree.

DCU v CLB – Jesus Christ these are two no good very bad teams. I guess someone has to win, oh wait it’s soccer, no they don’t! Please for the love of god, even if you are a fan of either of these teams do NOT watch this game!

ORL v PHI – I’m not sure if Orlando is sneaky good this year. I doubt it, but who the fuck knows. This will be a drab affair with Larin bagging a late winner

FCD v NE – Just what is ailing FCD who couldn’t manage a goal in Kansas City, the Revs come to town and I think this might be a rough night for Cody Cropper

SKC v SJ – Oh man, just what the doctor ordered for SKC who couldn’t manage any goals in their snoozefest this week. Expect fireworks and Wondo skying one. SKC wins 3-2

COL v MNU – Ugh, Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota. I think we need a goddamn intervention on your usage of Jermaine Taylor. Not only is he shipping goals but he’s now injuring his own teammates. Seriously, this is a cry for help. If Taylor is in the Starting 11 on Saturday night I just might pull out my fucking beard. 

RSL v LAG – RSL gets the points in Rio Tinto, there I just saved you from having to watch Kyle Beckerman’s dirty hair for 90 minutes

POR v HOU – Is Houston for real? Over/Under on the number of games it will take Diego Chara to have to sit out for accumulation? Is Houston for real, no seriously, are they? Cubo bags one but it’s not enough as Adi and the Oompa Loompa himself, Deiego Valleri eke it out in Portland

SEA v NYRB – Goals! All we really want is Goals! This is a good way to end week 3 of the MLS season with I’m predicting 5 goals and a Seattle victory.

That’s all folks, we’re hear every week. Don’t forget to listen to the podcast and tip your servers, bartenders and intrepid podcast hosts! Until next week.

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