Real Monarchs Head Coach Announces Departure From Club

In a tear-stained press conference Wednesday, Real Monarchs coach Mike Petke announced that he would be leaving the club to pursue other coaching opportunities. The announcement follows a tenure of unprecedented success for the storied club, with Petke having never suffered a single loss as skipper.

“It is with mixed feelings and a heavy heart that I must share with fans that I will be departing Real Monarchs SLC effective immediately. I would like to thank the players and staff that I have been able to meet so far for their trust in my approach to building this team, and to the fans for their support through good times and bad. I will be continuing my coaching career with other clubs, but my heart will always belong to this club. As our fans say, literally even only once a Monarch, always a Monarch.”

Club leadership accepted Petke’s decision and wished him well on whatever comes next. “Mike Petke was brought in not only to lead this team on the field, but to become the face of this organization. Today, every Monarchs fan should have no trouble remembering exactly where they were the day Mike joined this club. That sounds like success to me.”

Before leaving the dais, Petke became choked up as team supporters awarded him with the match ball from the Monarchs’ game against Timbers 2 from last weekend.


Author: David Martin

Writing for and Propagator of soccer satire. @offensive_loons on Twitter and Reddit.

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