Your weekly dose of MLS Reality, because let’s face it MLS is not good soccer. Just a reminder that you have about 4 weeks of European soccer left before this crap is all you have to watch for a while, unless you have some sort of crazy Nordic soccer feed and if that’s the case drop me a line at thedavesiknowmn (at) gmail.com
Toronto FC v Houston Dynamo – Both of these teams won last week but fun fact Toronto has only won once in the last 11 matches (home and away). But that was old Toronto, this is new Toronto that doesn’t lose at home and when Houston loses, they lose by 2. 4-2 to Toronto FC.
Montreal v Vancouver – The battle to be the second best team in Canada kicks off again with the two teams in Canada that don’t matter. TSN will be broadcasting this match, maybe, i think, does anyone in Canada care, but hey, World Cup Qualification in 2026 (except FIFA will probably change the rules because the world hates Canada)! Impact win 2-1
Orlando City SC v Colorado – I hate to pile on the shit pile that is the Rapids right now, but holy fucking christ are the Rapids bad, like, Stan Kroenke actively hates the people of Colorado and North London respectively bad. That is an aggressive bad. The ultimate bad. Orlando City 3-0
NY Red Bulls v Chicago Fire – The owner of Red Bulls is going to start a Breitbart-esque right wing media empire in Germany, so that’s cool. Anyways, the Fire have one win in their last 45 away matches. NYRB wins 3-1
Columbus Crew v NYCFC – When these teams get together magic happens and by magic I mean goals and by goals I mean lots of goals. NYCFC is coming off a home loss and are about to go on the road and get smacked around by a revitalized Crew also coming off a loss. 3-2 to the Columbus Crew
MNUFC v San Jose – It’s gonna be a gorgeous day in Minnesota so you should probably avoid the snoozefest that this game will be. Bold predictions time: Minnesota keeps its second clean sheet in a row and ends the weekend in a playoff spot, 1/4 of the way through the season. Take that Grant Wahl! MNUFC wins 2-0
FC Dallas v Portland Timbers – FC Dallas continues to be a juggernaut in MLS just absolutely suffocating teams at home and finding the goals they need to get results. Portland has the best offense in the league and FCD has the best defense. So we shall see who wins. FC Dallas 2-1
Sporting KC v Real Salt Lake – SKC comes home with a sour taste in their mouth, or should I say bland taste, because for a game that had all the makings of a classic match ended up being a defensive dud. Real is dealing with the hangover from their Petke bender from his first two weeks in charge. Sporting KC wins 2-0
Seattle v New England – Nicolas Lodeiro had over 100 touches last week he has the most 100 touch games outside of Michael Bradley. This also has the makings of a 66-34 possession type game and lots and lots of goals. Cody Cropper better get a good nights sleep on Friday. Seattle rolls 4-1
LA Galaxy v Philadelphia – God, I don’t wanna, I hate both of these stupid fucking teams, this is easily the worst game of the week, in what is an otherwise pretty tasty slate of games. This is basically the equivalent of hot fruit on pizza. LA Galaxy win 1-0
Atlanta United v DC United – The second match in the United Cup and Atlanta is way up on GF thanks to their visit to Minnesota in Week 2. DC has only won once in the last 14 Away matches and have only kept one clean sheet. I don’t think that changes this week. Atlanta 3-1
Enjoy the slate of matches. Beer and Futbol!