Another week, another relatively drab set of matches! Let’s dive in and inform you as to what you don’t need to watch this week!
Columbus Crew v Toronto FC – This will be the third game in 7 days for Toronto FC, but they sure as hell seemed up to the challenge last week knocking off both Orlando City at home and Seattle on the road. Toronto is riding a 4 game win streak, but the Crew won the last match between these teams back in March also at home, so this being MLS the Crew will prevail once more. 2-1 Crew.
Houston Dynamo v Vancouver Whitecaps – Both of these teams come into this game, surprisingly in contention in the Western Conference. I say surprisingly because both of these teams are fatally flawed. Weirdly enough the ‘Caps have been surprisingly competent on the road, smashing and grabbing points. The Dynamo on the other hand have been almost perfect at home, but for a brainfart against MNUFC they would have a perfect record. A Cubo brace seals a 3-1 win for the Houston Dynamo.
Toronto FC v Minnesota United FC – 8 games in 11 days for Toronto, though ending that stretch against Minnesota would’ve looked like an easy task has gotten a lot more daunting since the beginning of April for this Minnesota side. I’d definitely expect some squad rotation for Toronto, especially if they get a result in Columbus midweek. I don’t think that’s enough to steal any points at BMO Field, so let’s say Toronto FC wins 3-1
Colorado Rapids v San Jose Earthquakes – The Rapids are in an absolute freefall and haven’t secured an MLS point since a draw at home against MNUFC back on March 18th. Th Quakes have actually seemed to turn things around following a win at Minnesota and absolutely thrashing Portland 3-0. The fortress that is Dick’s Sporting Goods Park has fallen. 2-0 to the San Jose Earthquakes.
Montreal Impact v Columbus Crew – Montreal who sit only above the lowly Union in the Eastern Conference host the Crew who started out hot but have faded a bit. The last two matches have ended in a 0-0 and 4-4 draw so who the fuck knows with these teams. The last 2 times they have faced off in Montreal, Montreal has scored 2 goals and won, so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it! 2-1 to Montreal Impact.
DC United v Philadelphia Union – Speaking of the shit ass Union, they actually won a game! Not only that but CJ Sapong blasted in a hat trick against the mostly recovered from early season adversity Red Bulls. Don’t get to high and mighty Union fans because I see DC United shitting and the bed and this game ending in a 1-1 draw.
Orlando City SC v Sporting KC – Before last week these were the two best defensive teams in MLS, but when you let Toronto hang 2 on you midweek and Houston, 4 on you on Saturday, that changes. Sporting did themselves not favors either by giving up 2 on the road to the Loons, granted SKC’s starting RB was not Zusi and got torched by Miguel Ibarra. Either way I’d expect a boring ass defensive battle with Dwyer and Larin both bagging one 1-1.
New England Revolution v Real Salt Lake – The Revs have 3 points in their last five matches all draws. Real hasn’t won a match in three games after two wins to start the Petke era. This has all the makings of a 5-3 match as both of these teams are terrible. So let’s just say that New England just happens to be the recipient of the 5.
Chicago Fire v Seattle Sounders – The Sounders once again find themselves 1/4 of the way through the season and outside of the playoffs, in fact they are behind MNUFC right now (Spoiler Alert: they won the league last year) and the Fire, after a hot start and the addition of Pig Fucker seemed to have righted the ship (Spoiler Alert: they haven’t). The Fire have only dropped 2 points at home this year, however this is the game they drop all 3. Seattle wins 3-2.
Portland Timbers v Atlanta United – Well, the mighty have fallen! Atlanta which was one of the preseason faves to challenge for a relatively high playoff seed now sit even on points with the other two Uniteds, Minnesota and DC, having only picked up 4 points in their last 5 matches. Portland also started out hot but have dropped points in 3 of their last 4 matches, including 2 losses. Atlanta should be getting reinforcements soon, but not soon enough for this match as Portland Timbers roll 4-1.
New York Red Bulls v L.A. Galaxy – Another match between two teams reeling, though it appears that LA Galaxy may have their feet underneath them finally. Red Bulls have lost their last two matches getting shut out 3-0 and 2-0 to Philly and KC. The Galaxy ended their 3 game home trip with 2 draws and only 2 points, so a cross-country trip isn’t probably what they were looking forward to. New York Red Bulls win 2-0.
FC Dallas v NYCFC – In the marquee matchup of the week, first place FC Dallas hosts third place NYCFC. Dallas is the last team in the league without a loss. Both teams come off scoring 3 goals and in spite of David Villa doing David Villa things, I expect FC Dallas to put the clamps down on defense and win this one going away 3-1.
So that’s Week 11, y’all. Raise your favorite beverage in toast to another MLS week in the books and get ready for some sweet, sweet MLS action next week as in preparation for some international breaks we have 10 teams playing twice next week!