As sand flows through the hourglass, as the world turns, MLS has some soccer matches for you to avoid this weekend.
NY Red Bulls v Toronto FC – The Red Bulls got worked at home, by the Galaxy of all teams, last week and have lost three in a row. Toronto FC has been the hottest team in the league, so naturally because MLS the Red Bulls will win 3-1.
Montreal v Portland – The Impact are in free fall and are currently bottom of the Eastern Conference. Portland has also faltered after a hot start and have two points in their last three matches. Both teams can score though so expect a high scoring draw, 2-2.
DC United v Chicago – DC United is again crap, so presumably they will make a Open Cup run. The Fire have bounced back and forth between being great and being crap. DC is playing their third straight game at home and have lost the last two to the worst teams in the Eastern Conference, Montreal and Philly, so of course United will beat the Fire 2-1.
Seattle v RSL – This is a really screwed up matchup and I’m not talking about how bad RSL is! The home team has won all of the last 11 matches and the Seattle Sounders will win 3-1.
Vancouver v Sporting KC – What if you were offered the best place in Canada but you had to give up the worst fucking shit hole in the United States? I mean you would always pick Vancouver; they have weed, oceans, chill people. The fuck does Kansas City have? Like, I am legitimately asking… Vancouver 2-1
Philadelphia v Colorado – Fuck this game, Philly 3-0
Atlanta United v Houston – Fuck this game too. Houston 2-3
FC Dallas v San Jose – God I hate MLS, 3-0 to FC Dallas
New England v Columbus – Finally a game with consequences. New England is really good at piling on goals against shit teams. Columbus is not a shit team. 2-0 to the Crew.
MNUFC v LA Galaxy – Diallo’s out, Ibarra gonna pounce. Can the United back line keep the Galaxy at bay? Probably. 2-1 to the Loons.
Orlando v NYCFC – NYC has been on a non-winning run against their fellow expansion team for a while. I think this is the time they change the narrative. Manchester West 3-0.
That’s a wrap, hope everyone enjoys the matches!