The Sims: Sporting Kansas City vs. Minnesota United

Okay so that’s two weeks in a row where this damn simulation technology has let me down. Here’s hoping you didn’t lose too much money on the game and that the WiFi in this plasma donation center is strong enough to get this article out on time. This week we have another game against Sporting Kansas City (and another after that!) and I’m confident that I’ve worked out the kinks in the simulator so that we get an accurate picture of what will happen down in Missouri Kansas this weekend.

The starting XI for me this week was pretty similar to what I’ve used in past weeks. Alex Ferrell in the net; Justin Davis, Francisco Calvo, Brent Kallman, and Kevin Venegas in the back; Rasmus Schüller and Collen Warner as my defensive mids; Kevin Molino, Collin Martin, and Miguel Ibarra to attack; and Christian Ramirez up top to add to his eight goals already this season.


First Half

The first half didn’t go super according to plan… Graham Zusi scored in the third minute and it was all pretty much downhill from there. Not that there are hills in Kansas. Just sad, flat land. Sporting moved the ball well and it was a tic-tac-toe sequence that got Zusi the ball on the edge of the box, where he rocketed a shot past a diving Ferrell.


Minnesota recovered fairly well, but tried to force it harder than everyone trying to convince me there’s a rivalry with Sporting. They gave up possession often and it led to a 41st minute goal from Diego Rubio. Running in from the exact position Zusi had scored from, a glorious through ball found him and he slotted home to double the lead.


The first half ended with Minnesota (again) earning most of the possession but down by two thanks to defense as questionable as a Kansas elementary school’s future funding. I made a halftime substitution, taking off Schüller for Thomas De Villardi. The former was playing like he had spent the previous night eating overrated barbecue and looked very tired.

Second Half

The halftime adjustments made for another pretty dull second half. Sporting got tired of constantly taking shots and let United have a few cracks at it. Well, two shots, neither of which came close to the net. Kevin Venegas was booked in the 66th minute, presumably for wondering why the hell anyone liked Kansas City so much that they decided to build another one ten minutes away.

Mostly due to not shooting the ball or possessing it anywhere near a dangerous area, the Loons were unable to put a dent in the Sporting lead. But that didn’t stop Gerso Fernandes from trying to extend it. A real Wiz on the ball, Gerso caught a long pass over the top and had acres of space with which to work. He decided to go to Ferrell’s left and, even at a bad angle, got it past the keeper for the third and final goal of the night.


So there it is. I know I’ve steered you wrong the past two weeks, but I’ve got a good feeling about a bad result for the Loons. Another 3-0 loss is in the cards according to my simulation software, so take that to the bank. On an unrelated note, if someone could send me some money for my Comcast bill, message me on Twitter and I’ll give you my PayPal information.

Author: David Baker

Going grey early; just like Steve Martin but not nearly as funny. I graduated from the University of Minnesota in 2013 with a degree in Recreation, Parks, and Leisure Studies. I love soccer as well as just about any other sport they play in North America.

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