MLS Week 16 Precaps

We had three entirely boring matches last week so now that all the Internationals are back, let’s get weird!


NYCFC v Seattle Sounders – Oooh lookie here a match between the East and West Coasts. How fancy, and on one of the only 7 “pitches” in MLS not played in a Soccer Specific Stadium. David Villa probably wrecks the Sounders for at least three goals. NYCFC wins 3-1.

Atlanta United v Columbus Crew – Atlanta has only played five home matches this year but are averaging over 2.5 goals/game in those home matches. Such a shame when they move to Arthur Blank Shooting Blanks Memorial Stadium brought to you by Mercedes Benz. As it is the Crew are still reeling from a loss to FC Cincinnati in the Open Cup and I’d wager that reeling continues. Atlanta United wins 3-0.

New England Revolution v Chicago Fire – The Fire are the hottest team in MLS, which is saying something because 4 weeks ago they were shitting the bed. The Revolution just got done knocking off Toronto FC at home, so why not another trophy. Revolution 2-1.

Orlando City SC v Montreal Impact – Orlando City SC was mostly impenetrable at home for the first five matches, since then they have faltered going 1-2-1 in the last 5 home matches. The Impact should be riding high after a draw last week against Sporting KC and they’ll take that to Orlando this week.  1-1 Draw.

Toronto FC v DC United – Oh man, how many goals can Toronto score in a 90 minute match. One every 10 minutes, one every 12 minutes, one every 15 minutes? Let’s just say 6-2 to Toronto FC.

San Jose Earthquakes v Sporting KC – Most of these matches ending with San Jose scoring a goal, problem is that Sporting KC typically scores two. KC has been shit on the road recently and this isn’t a Open Cup match so let’s call this a 1-1 Draw.

Colorado Rapids v Portland Timbers – Rapids have somehow regained their home form. Perhaps they have been sneaking edibles into the visiting teams hotel rooms encouraging lethargy and poor decision making. Leads one to believe they should have been doing this from the get go. On the other hand Timbers also live in the land of weed, so let’s say they are use to this. Timbers win 3-1.

Real Salt Lake v MNUFC – What happens when you get an Immovable Object vs. an Immovable Object. I don’t know, we’ll probably find out on Saturday night. God this is going to be a terrible game. 3-3 Draw.

Vancouver v FC Dallas – The Whitecaps and FC Dallas have been punching each other in the face pretty consistently for the last several years. But for a draw in Vancouver they’ve been splitting home matches. So Vancouver wins this one 2-0.

LA Galaxy v Houston Dynamo – There is only one team more terrible on the road than Houston and that team is playing at home. On the other hand the Galaxy is probably the worst home team in MLS, thanks Stub Hub Center! LA Galaxy 1-0.


Philadelphia Union v NY Red Bulls – The Red Bulls have been absolutely dreadful on the road, with only one win in seven. The Union have not lost at home in their last four including a 3-0 win back in May, that was the game that CJ Sapong decided to score three goals in 11 minutes. Don’t expect a repeat performance and expect the Red Bulls to get at least a point in Chester. 2-2 Draw.

That’s all folks. Enjoy the full slate of matches this weekend.

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