Sexy European Roundup: Yeah, It’s Summer

So there is not much in hot European action, some Confeds Cup, some U-21 UEFA stuff. That won’t stop us. Let’s get weird, kids!

Confederations Cup

Germany v Chile – These two teams drew to a stalemate. Confed Cup Final, anyone?

Mexico v Russia – Mexico’s B Team knocked off Russia and secured their place in the semifinals. Good job Russia, good luck next year you stupid twats! Try sticking to what you are good at: controlling the United States government.

New Zealand v Portugal – Portugal ran roughshod over New Zealand to win the group. I guess this was expected but still…4-0 is kind of a dick move Figo.

Germany v Cameroon – Thanks to the Chileans’ draw against Australia and Germany’s 3-1 win over Cameroon, they will be facing Mexico in the semis on Thursday. More VAR confusion in this match clearly bodes well for future soccer matches!

Confederations Cup Upcoming

Wednesday 1:00 PM

Portugal v Chile – This is probably the best match of the tournament, as these are two teams actually trying to win things. I think Chile has been demuring and Artuo Vidal breaks the Portugese for a brace. Chile wins 2-1

Thursday 1:00 PM  

Germany v Mexico – As much as this Mexican team wants to win things they are still Mexico, so they will inevitably fail. 2-2 Germany wins in penalties as is their birthright.

Other news

Germany’s U-21 team beat the English team in penalties, marking the 500th time when a German has beaten an Englishmen at spot kicks.

Spain beat Italy 3-1 at the U-21 UEFA Championship thanks to a Saúl Ñíguez hat trick, which means we’ll be looking forward to a cracking Germany v Spain Final on Friday the 30th!

Puppy Rumour Mill

News broke Wednesday that future MLS expansion side Los Angeles FC was close to sealing a deal for Wesley Sneijder from Galatasaray. Clearly Will Ferrell’s salesmanship is the key reason the club brought him in among their investors, and now that move is finally paying off. Otherwise the puppy mill’s all dried up for the time being as we wait on these tournaments to finish up!

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