Piss Porn Lover Falls For Soccer After Accidentally Visiting GoldCup.Org

Growing tired of old urine-soaked retreads on PornHub and RedTube, area pee fetishist Ren Cochely mistakenly stumbled upon http://www.goldcup.org and immediately fell in love with what he saw of the CONCACAF bi-annual tournament.

“Not what I was expecting at all,” Cochely remarked as he hurriedly deleted his browsing history. “Honestly I just started typing in random URLs to see if I could just stumble onto something new. I tried http://www.goldcup.com and there isn’t a real site there, but when I saw that http://www.goldcup.org existed…I don’t know, I thought maybe there was a watersports charity or something.”

Cochely described his disappointment on learning that the site featured almost no videos of bound and gagged men being urinated on by the studs who are cheating with their wives, but said his attitude turned around when he saw the US was playing, and that they had only just tied with Panama. “I’m a pretty big supporter of the US and of certain freedoms it affords us all,” he continued, “so when I saw that the US was playing I got interested. When I saw we couldn’t even beat Panama, I got unreasonably incensed for someone who wasn’t a soccer follower. When I learned that Panama’s team name is literally the Canaleros, I laughed my ass off and knew I had to learn more.”

The local pervert began to read more and more about the tournament, and fell in love with what he found. “This continent is great because it really allows the little guys to play with the big guys. And even the big guys are shitty enough to lose to the little guys often enough that it makes tournaments like this so exciting. It’s like the opening rounds of March Madness.”

“When I saw that in the last tournament the US had only come in fourth, I was, well, pissed off,” Cochely quipped. “I want the boys in red, white, and blue to win it all, each and every time. I pretty much blocked all my Latino pee-pee notifications at that point and haven’t turned them back on since.”

As of press time, one hand had slipped off the keyboard as Cochely read about instances of Central American supporters throwing bags of urine at visiting teams on the pitch.

Author: David Martin

Writing for fiftyfive.one and davesiknow.com. Propagator of soccer satire. @offensive_loons on Twitter and Reddit.

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