MLS Precaps Week 22: All-Star Haiku Edition

Welcome to Week 22 of MLS. Last week saw lots of 4-0 matches. This week’s fixtures are a lot less sexy, ‘cept for Sunday, and therefore we will do them all in haikus, the easiest of all poetry forms.

Saturday, August 5

DC United v v Toronto FC – Wow, DC is bad/ MLS is really dumb/ So they find a way.  DC wins 2-1

Philadelphia Union v FC Dallas – The Burns yearly flop/ Against the Couv of all teams/ Wasn’t just a fluke. Union win 3-0

Montreal Impact v Orlando City SC – Orlando reeling/ Dwyer to the rescue now/ Does Larin survive? Montreal win 3-2

Minnesota United v Seattle Sounders – Loons homestand ends today/ It did not go all that well/ You know nothing Wahl. Minnesota win 3-2

Chicago Fire v New England Revolution – The Fire are good/ The Revs are winless away/ Section 8 can party. Fire win 3-0

Colorado Rapids v Vancouver Whitecaps – Whitecaps above red line/ Rapids bottom of the table/ Fredy bags a brace. Whitecaps win 2-1

Real Salt Lake v Houston Dynamo – Dynamo away/ A puzzling lack of wins/ For a decent team. Draw 2-2.

San Jose Earthquakes v Columbus Crew – Who is Jahmir Hyka/ I don’t think most Quakes fans know/ Would require watching. Earthquakes win 1-0

Sunday, August 6

Portland Timbers v LA Galaxy – Sigi in Rose City/ Timber Joey revs the chainsaw/ Cuts nothing at all. LA Galaxy win 0-2

NYCFC v NY Red Bulls – Best match of the week/ Man City West have pulled ahead/ BWP scores goals. Red Bulls win 1-2

Sporting KC v Atlanta United – Dwyer-less KC/ Where will the goals come from now/ Or just keep clean sheets. Sporking KC win 2-0

There you have it, all of your matches in haiku form, hope you fuckers are happy!

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