Welcome to Week 22 of MLS. Last week saw lots of 4-0 matches. This week’s fixtures are a lot less sexy, ‘cept for Sunday, and therefore we will do them all in haikus, the easiest of all poetry forms.
Saturday, August 5
DC United v v Toronto FC – Wow, DC is bad/ MLS is really dumb/ So they find a way. DC wins 2-1
Philadelphia Union v FC Dallas – The Burns yearly flop/ Against the Couv of all teams/ Wasn’t just a fluke. Union win 3-0
Montreal Impact v Orlando City SC – Orlando reeling/ Dwyer to the rescue now/ Does Larin survive? Montreal win 3-2
Minnesota United v Seattle Sounders – Loons homestand ends today/ It did not go all that well/ You know nothing Wahl. Minnesota win 3-2
Chicago Fire v New England Revolution – The Fire are good/ The Revs are winless away/ Section 8 can party. Fire win 3-0
Colorado Rapids v Vancouver Whitecaps – Whitecaps above red line/ Rapids bottom of the table/ Fredy bags a brace. Whitecaps win 2-1
Real Salt Lake v Houston Dynamo – Dynamo away/ A puzzling lack of wins/ For a decent team. Draw 2-2.
San Jose Earthquakes v Columbus Crew – Who is Jahmir Hyka/ I don’t think most Quakes fans know/ Would require watching. Earthquakes win 1-0
Sunday, August 6
Portland Timbers v LA Galaxy – Sigi in Rose City/ Timber Joey revs the chainsaw/ Cuts nothing at all. LA Galaxy win 0-2
NYCFC v NY Red Bulls – Best match of the week/ Man City West have pulled ahead/ BWP scores goals. Red Bulls win 1-2
Sporting KC v Atlanta United – Dwyer-less KC/ Where will the goals come from now/ Or just keep clean sheets. Sporking KC win 2-0
There you have it, all of your matches in haiku form, hope you fuckers are happy!