The Sims: Minnesota United vs. Chicago Fire

Well, it was definitely a closer result than the first try with Minnesota almost winning and then almost drawing Seattle. Unfortunately, this is not horseshoes or hand grenades. This is science and last week’s simulation was wrong. But it’s time to try again and see if the Loons can get a result against a suddenly-struggling Chicago Fire.

United’s lineup was similar to last week’s, the only switch being Patrick McLain starting in goal to get another real-life Loon into the mix. Chicago was missing Bastian Schweinsteiger, but Landon Donovan came out of retirement to finally win that World Cup and started at center midfield for the Fire.


First Half

The visitors were playing well and bossing possession early on and it came to fruition suspiciously early. Christian Ramirez played a very nearly offside Colin Martin through into the box. Martin fired a shot between two defenders and past the keeper. The machine was doing it again as if it had become aware of this little project.


Chicago looked more dangerous for the rest of the half, racking up nine shots but only finding the target on one. McLain made the save and all was well in the locker room at halftime.

Second Half

The game resumed and the Fire looked like the team they’ve been for the majority of the season. Their midfield was the stopping point for any burgeoning Loons attack and created a number of chances for their forwards. The Minnesota defense was up to the task, though, and tackled Donovan so hard at one point that his walker’s tennis balls flew off and he had to be subbed off. The best chance of the game came from Ramirez when his shot from the top of the box skimmed the top of the crossbar.

As the game wore on, I became more and more wary of the simulation machine. I jammed a pen into the lens of the webcam to be sure it wasn’t watching me and my reactions to the game.  This run of good form had to be the software’s way of getting me to stay. It knows I’m planning on switching to FIFA 18 when it’s eventually released.

Nowhere is safe now. We all need to get off the grid. Cut up your credit cards and grow out your beards. Pack non-perishables and camping equipment. We’re meeting in Ely and heading north from there. We’ll make a new life in a computerless commune somewhere near Hudson Bay. We’ll call it Tdikistan and we’ll train in hand to hand combat in case they find us and try to stick us in the Matrix.

Author: David Baker

Going grey early; just like Steve Martin but not nearly as funny. I graduated from the University of Minnesota in 2013 with a degree in Recreation, Parks, and Leisure Studies. I love soccer as well as just about any other sport they play in North America.

Leave only correct opinions here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s