Sexy European Roundup: Sunday’s Crap Edition

A fairly boring weekend last week, the favorites didn’t falter, for the most part, and it was all fairly rote. We do have some good matchups this weekend, but nothing on Sunday so surprise your family with a day trip so that you can tell them to fuck-off later in the year.

Last Weekend

Leipzig 2 v 2 Monchengladbach – Leipzig went up twice and Borussia Monchengladbach came back twice to secure a point on the road. Gladbach hadn’t won a match in over a month until beating Stuttgart on Tuesday. Leipzig lost on Tuesday and are currently sitting 8th in the Bundesliga, one spot behind Gladbach.

Bayern Munich 4 v 0 Mainz – Apparently an upset Robert Lewandowski is a dangerous Leandowski as he bagged a brace while Munich trounced Mainz at the Allianz. Mainz currently sits in 15th place in the Bundesliga with just one win. Munich is now top of the table after a midweek curb-stomping of Schalke 04.

Chelsea 0 v 0 Arsenal – Arsenal looked much better in this match than they have recently and are unbeaten in their last three matches. Aaron Ramsey had the best chance for either side. David Luiz got a yellow in the second half and then a straight red about 15 minutes later, with less than three minutes remaining.

PSG 2 v 0 Lyon – PSG remained perfect in Ligue Un as they handed Lyon their first loss of the season. However the drama of this match happened on a Penalty that Edinson Cavani stepped up to take and Neymar stood over him questioning why he, Neymar, wasn’t taking it. Later in the match Dani Alves picked up a ball on a free kick to prevent Cavani from taking it and giving the ball to Neymar. Perhaps all is not well in Paris.

Manchester United 4 v 0 Everton – Everton are in trouble, like seriously seep, deep trouble after getting absolutely destroyed by Manchester United. The scoreline does not flatter Everton, who ultimately played fairly well, they were only down 1-0 until the 84th minute and then the floodgates opened. However Ronald Koeman must be feeling the pressure as they sit in 18th. To be fair they have already traveled to both Manchester grounds and Chelsea as well as hosted Tottenham, arguably the toughest EPL schedule so far.

Dortmund 5 v 0 Köln – Dortmund had a rough go of it in London mid-week and bounced back hard against Köln. Pierre Emerick-Aubameyang and Maximilian Philipp each got a brace and this one was never in doubt. Dortmund has another big test today when they travel to Hamburg to take on Bobby Wood!

What’s on Tap?


Bayern v Wolfsburg – Bayern are currently in second place, one point behind Dortmund, while Wolfsburg have struggled to start the year and don’t really cherish a trip to the Allianz. In fact Wolfsburg has only beaten Munich twice in the last decade and never at the Allianz. There have only been 2 draws in that timeframe as well. Finally the icing on the stat cake is that Wolfsburg has never beaten Bayern in Munich in the 2000s. Like literally, never.


Atletico Madrid v Sevilla – Sevilla heads to Madrid in second place. Two points clear of Atletico. Atletico and Sevilla split their series last year with each team winning at home, however during this recent vintage Atleti has had the upperhand. Both of these teams won mid-week.

West Ham v Tottenham – The last four matches between these teams have ended with the home team winning. West Ham have had a rough start to the EPL season with only one win in their first five matches. The Spurs currently sit fifth at 2-2-1. West ham is tied for most goals allowed so far this season, so Dele Alli and Harry Kane should be shooting at the net a lot.

Rangers v Celtic – The Old Firm Derby kicks off on Saturday morning as well. This is the 409th match between the two sides. Rangers actually hold the edge with 159 wins to Celtic’s 151 and 98 draws between them. Rangers haven’t won since they made their way back to the Scottish Premiership in 2016. Their last win actually occurred more than five years ago in 2012. Celtic won the Premiership handily last year and have yet to lose this year. Rangers are five points back in third place but at home they have a legitimate chance to knock off Celtic and get their first win in the rivalry in quite some time.

Juventus v Torino – The 196th Turin derby kicks off Saturday afternoon. These two have been playing each other since 1909. Juventus has the upperhand with 84 wins to Torino’s 56 with 55 draws. Torino has won the match only once since returning to Serie A in 1999 back in 2015. There record versus Juve is 1-5-15 in that time.

Leicester v Liverpool – These two teams meet again after playing just five days earlier in the League Cup where Leicester won 2-0 against a definitely B team Liverpool. Liverpool are winless in their last 4 and have a trip to Moscow on Tuesday for Champions League to look forward to as well. Hopefully they keep that in mind and get business taken care of in the league on Sunday. Leicester are on 4 points, but only 4 behind Liverpool.


Nothing, go out and enjoy the weekend


Arsenal v West Brom – Right now, West Brom sit ahead of Arsenal in the EPL Table. Wet Brom are being a typical Tony Pulis team with five games played they’ve scored four and conceded four. Since their pantsing at the hands of Liverpool, Arsenal have only dorpped points one at Stamford Bridge last weekend. Of course West Brom is just going to want to defend and counter and hopefully steal points late at the Emirates.

There you have it. Make sure to make plans to see your family on Sunday because those matches are straight garbage and it’s important to bag that family time because the fixtures get really congested in December and January!


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