MLS Precaps: Week 31

Good lord in heaven, why oh why do teams insist on playing during International windows? Oh yeah that’s right the MLS Player’s Union is a fucking joke! Speaking of fucking jokes, here’s a link to the current MLS salaries so you can actively bitch about your teams well under-payed but overly criticized players. We’re looking at you baby boy Brent Kallman! Anyways, on to the matches!


New York Red Bulls v Vancouver Whitecaps – Not an absolute must win for the Red Bulls, but a loss here might give anyone of  four teams delusions of grandeur. The Whitecaps are four points clear of the three teams chasing them for the top spot in the Western Conference. Three points won’t lock up the Top Seed, Sporting KC has a game in hand, but it would make it basically impossible for anyone to catch them. This is without a doubt the best non-World Cup qualifiers of the weekend. Red Bulls win 3-2.

Minnesota United FC v Sporking KC – MNUFC and Sporking have traded wins at home all season. Two for Sporking and one for United (including the Open Cup, which to be honest was an absolute shitshow of a lineup from Inchy). The Whitecaps match will have ended by the time this match kicks off and if the ‘Caps have dropped any points believe that Sporking will be hungry to grab all three on the road and inch closer to the top seed. MNUFC will be confident after already decimating KC at home earlier in the year and being on their best run of form all year, including handing Atlanta their first loss in Megatron’s Butthole Stadium. Both teams lost heavily to the International break. Draw 1-1.

Colorado Rapids v FC Dallas – Honestly the only thing holding the Rapids together is duct tape and Tim Howard. Well they’re all out of duct tape and Tim Howard saved the USMNT’s bacon down in Orlando last night. FC Dallas still has their eyes on a playoff spot and are tied on points with both 6th place Houston and 7th place San Jose, but with a game in hand. They will not want to squander a chance to get three points and put the pressure on both of those teams to end their season’s on an upswing. FC Dallas wins 2-0.

Bonus Next Wednesday Match

Houston Dynamo v Sporking KC – The Dynamo could drop down from 5th place to 6th if FC Dallas take care of business on Saturday and will be without their Honduran trio. If Vancouver drops points on Saturday and KC takes care of business as well a win here could catapult them into first place, so both of these teams will have lots to play for but missing large chunks of their cores. Problem is KC is much, much deeper than Houston. Sporking KC wins 3-1.

Alright that’s it for this week. The next two weeks have all of the matches kicking off on Sunday, you know, because going up against the NFL twice in October is a recipe for fucking success. See you kids all next week.

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