Sexy European Roundup: Champions League Midway Point Edition

A pretty typical weekend for European soccer, but a couple of shock losses could make the mid-week Champions League matches interesting.

What Happened Last Weekend?

Manchester United 1 v 0 Tottenham – Why in the absolute fuck did I wake up at 6:30 for this drab of a game. Lots will be made of Kane’s absence. Also what in the actual hell was Eric Dier doing during this match?!

Liverpool 3 v 0 Huddersfield Town – Weirdly Dejan Lovren was in the starting lineup for this match before picking up a knock in pre-match warmups, which meant that Ragnar Klavan got the nod. Liverpool controlled the match from the outset, but couldn’t break through, including a saved penalty. Ultimately Liverpool was too much and shortly after the restart Sturridge broke through for the first and two more goals soon followed.

Bournemouth 0 v 1 Chelsea – The real story of this match was Asmir Begovic standing on his head to deny his former teammates and Alvaro Morata voicing displeasure in Chelsea after the match.

Bayern Munich 2 v 0 RB Leipzig – Order has been restored at the top of the Bundesliga Table. Thanks to a Dortmund loss in Hannover and Bayern beating RB Leipzig at the Allianz. God damn James Rodriguez and Robert Lewandowski are really good at soccer.

Atletico Madrid 1 v 1 Villareal – Atleti were denied all three points for the first time this month, ahead of an important Champions League match this week. Villareal scored the equalizer in the 83rd minute to remain in sixth place. Atletico Madrid remains in fourth.

AC Milan 0 v 2 Juventus – Ugh, AC Milan is in real big trouble! With the loss to Juve, they are now 15 points clear of Napoli at the top of the table. AC Milan only has 16 points. They are also 12 points clear of fourth place as well. Juve is three points behind Napoli and we are poised for an actual battle for the Serie A title between Napoli and Juve.

What’s on tap midweek (Champions League Edition)


Roma v Chelsea – Just a couple of weeks ago, Chelsea let a two-goal lead at Stamford Bridge slip away, before drawing a point back thanks to Eden Hazard, who seems to have gotten over his early season injury. A win by either team will get them most of the way to qualifying for the Knockout Round, especially Chelsea.

Celtic v Bayern Munich – Brendan Rodgers and Celtic welcome Bayern Munich to Celtic Park, where Celtic has knocked off some of the big boys. A Bayern win would almost certainly qualify them for the next round while PSG could very easily wrap up this group by Tuesday afternoon. Celtic looked halfway competent in the second half at the Allianz so they are hoping to build on that and could be primed for an upset.


Tottenham v Real Madrid – The Spurs went into the Bernabeu and took an early lead thanks to a Madrid own goal. In truth, Spurs have actually acquitted themselves quite well and probably are hard done by the draw. On the weekend both of these teams lost, Spurs 1-0 to Manchester United at Old Trafford and Real Madrid lost 2-1 to tiny minnow, and recently promoted, Girona. Both teams are really going to want to get the win to make sure they keep the gap as wide as possible between them and Dortmund.

Manchester City v Napoli – Outside of PSG these two teams are arguably playing the best football in Europe right now. Napoli leads Serie A and Man City is well clear of all contenders in the EPL. In fact both of these teams are without a loss domestically. Napolis have struggled in Champions League and could definitely use a result at home!

Liverpool v Maribor – The most lopsided fixture in Champions League so far happened last matchday when Liverpool went into Slovenia and scored seven! Maribor will hope to not be as embarrassed and there is some worry that they will hunker down and try to smash and grab either a point or all three. Liverpool definitely need all three points as they face a trip to Sevilla in the next Matchday round.

Make sure that you scheduled those long lunches for the next two days, and don’t forget that the Europeans set their clocks back last week so all of the matches are kicking off an hour later than normal. So plenty of time to get a nap or an extra beer in before!

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