MLS Precaps Week… Wait the MLS is Still Playing Soccer Edition

Bet you thought MLS was over didn’t ya? Well jokes on you. This league plays until early December, so let’s all look forward to the day when MLS hosts a Final in December in Saint Paul, MN amidst -5 degree weather and 12 inches of snow. I know everyone will be clamoring for a change to the calendar at that point…

But let’s get to the matchups at hand. Lest we forget these are two legged matches with Away Goals counting double, because, MLS. The lower seed hosts the first match and hence has an incentive to bunker and hopefully steal a goal on the road, unless you are Houston, in which case you absolutely need to score four goals at BBVA Compass Stadium lest you get worked by Clint Dempsey back in Seattle. On to the matches!

Columbus Crew v Toronto FC – Columbus were dealt a huge advantage thanks to the (soccer god Sacha Klejstan?) red card of Jozy Altidore and a no good, terribly stupid second yellow by Giovinco in the match against Red Bulls. The Red Bulls truly are the greatest foe of Toronto FC. This match is called something dumb like the Trillion Derby (because of a flower that grows in both cities) (I may or may not have made parts of that up). The Crew have been arguably the hottest team in the league at the end of the year and they have not lost a match since August. Crew win 2-1.

Houston Dynamo v Seattle Sounders – I wrote the Houston Dynamo preview for this dumb website and I believe my exact words for this team were that they were “hot garbage on the road”. Well they won (only their second this year) road game and a chance to make a run to the Finals. After what Houston has gone through it would be quite apropos for both the Astros (baseball or beisbol) and the Dynamo to win championships after Harvey wrecked that city. Simultaneously if the soccer gods are just we will have a Columbus-Houston final and both Houston teams will win away from Houston. Never doubt the soccer gods! Houston wins 4-1.

Second legs happen next week and we will have recaps and predictions for the end of these series, but let’s just say that I am rooting for this Columbus-Houston final if only to fuck Don Garber and celebrate both the kick ass Crew fans and Houston’s resilience.

Also, fuck Anthony Precourt!

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