Sexy European Roundup: Thanksgiving Hangover Edition

I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving meal. One super helpful tip for next year or for the holiday season. If you’ve had too much to eat, a little shot of Fernet will help the digestive system. Trust me!

Let’s take a look at what happened mid-week and look forward to the matches this weekend.

Champion’s League

Dortmund 1 v 2 Tottenham – Spurs went down early to a Pulisic-less Dortmund team, but that was of no consequence as they bagged two second half goals and surprisingly all but won the Group of Death with one match to play (one point at home against APOEL secures it).

Sevilla 3 v 3 Liverpool – This match was a tail of two halfs, much like the first match between these two teams. Liverpool smashed Seville in the first half scoring three super easy goals. Then in the second half they absolutely shit the bed! Allowing three including a 93rd minute goal to tie the match. Liverpool with a win could’ve secured the top of the group, alas they control their destiny and a win at home against Spartak will see them top of Group E (unless they get outscored by 7 they are guaranteed to go through to the knockout rounds). Sevilla travel to already eliminated Maribor

AS Monaco 1 v 4 RB Leipzig – Leipzig went into Monaco and absolutely smashed Monaco, knocking them out of International Competition for the year. Timo Werner scored two and future Liverpool star Naby Keita got one in the 45th minute (all five goals were scored in the first half). Leipzig host group winner Beşiktaş and need a result along with Porto dropping points.

Juventus 0 v 0 Barcelona – Juve went and played suffocating defense only allowing one Barcelona shot on goal. Marc-Andre ter Stegen made three great saves and the result secured first place for Barca in Group D. Juve is in second on eight points and travel to Greece for the final matchday.

Atletico Madrid 2 v 0 AS Roma – Madrid kept their slim CL hopes alive defeating Roma at home 2-0. Antoine Griezmann scored in the 69th minute (NICE!). Chelsea is already through atop the group and Atletico will need a result at Stamford Bridge with Roma dropping points at home against Qarabağ (Spoiler Alert: Not Likely)

Paris Saint-Germain 7 v 1 Celtic – PSG put on a clinic against Brendan Rodgers (Boo. Hiss) absolutely destroying Celtic at home. Braces from Canvani and Neymar, plus Mbappe and Dani Alves got in on the party. This PSG team looks fucking scary and is probably the odds on favorite to win the CL this year.

On Tap This Weekend

Saturday

Liverpool v Chelsea –  Liverpool currently sit 5th in the EPL and host 3rd place Chelsea to Anfield. This is the third match in seven days for the Reds. They are coming off a collapse in Spain managing only a 3-3 draw after being up 3-0 at the half. Chelsea beat Qarabağ away 4-0 on Wednesday. Four points separate 7th place Burnley from 2nd place Manchester United, so all matches between these six teams will be extremely important and dropping points at home could be devastating in a top four race. Mo Salah has been a revelation for Liverpool (14 goals in all competitions, including 9 in the league, the most since Luis Suarez) and I’m sure he would be up for sticking it to this former team, that cast him off to Italy. Also of note, Chelsea hasn’t beaten Liverpool in League play since 2014.

Dortmund v Schalke – American Wunderkind Christian Pulisic should return to the lineup after two matches out sue to a muscle injury and it couldn’t come sooner. Dortmund have fallen all the way to fifth in the Bundesliga and have not won a league match in nearly two months. Anything less than a complete victory at the Rivierderby would be seen as abject failure and would probably be the end of gaffer Peter Bosz.

Tottenham v West Brom – Spurs are coming off a mid-week win at Signal Iduna Park  and are currently sit 4th in the table. West Brom recently sacked Tony Pulis and approached former manager Slaven Bilic about taking the reins of the club. He turned them down and it appears Super Alan Pardew is set to be announced as manager, probably as early as Monday. West Brom is currently in 17th, just one point clear of the relegation zone and grabbing any points at Wembley would be welcome.

Monchengladbach v Bayern – Bayern, who top the Bundesliga table naturally, travel to fourth place Monchengladbach, who have been in a great run of form at home, undefeated in four (and winners in three of those). Munich have managed to right their ship thanks to resident old guy (and third time in charge) Jupp Heynckes. Instead of being a caretaker manager he has managed to unite the locker room and has Bayern playing some truly terrifying soccer. They are already six points clear of second place and a result here could widen that gap.

Sunday

Milan v Torino – AC Milan faces Torino at the San Siro. Milan beat the hell out of Austria Vienna 5-1 on Thursday. Patrick Cutrone had a brace in that match and has been scoring goals all over the pitch for Milan. Milan and Torino sit 7th & 8th, respectively, in the Serie A table (11 & 12 points back of 4th place Roma) and if either team hopes to make a run to CL qualification next year it needs to start soon (probably like a month ago, but still).

Monaco v PSG – Fresh off curb-stomping Celtic in Champion’s League, PSG travels to Monaco who got the shit kicked out of them at home against RB Leipzig mid-week as well. PSG is running away with the league and this match against the defending Ligue Un champions could extend the gap from six to nine points between the only two rivals in the French league.

There are also some decent matchups on Friday if you want to sneak away from your family to watch football. Anyways, until next week, seriously go to the liquor store right away and buy some fernet. You’ll thank me later!

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