Let’s Watch Some Soccer Duders!

Let’s face it, you don’t want to get up so early to watch K-League and you don’t want to completely corrupt your computer with Belarusian computer viruses, so you’re stuck with (get to enjoy) Bundesliga soccer. So here are the matches this weekend and a reason or two as to why you should or should not watch and rank them on our very scientific Frankfurter scale! (All times CST)

May 22
1:30 pm
Hertha Berlin v. Union Berlin (FS2) – The Berlin Derby, while not as revered as the Reveirederby, it is quite fun and only the second time ever in the top flight of German football. Hetha is a shitshow and Union are the hipster club to follow. Watch this match, you got nothing else going on. 4 Frankfurters

May 23
8:30 am
Freiburg v. Werder Bremen (Fox Soccer Plus) – Honestly, the only reason you’ll want to watch this game is for Josh Sargent. Bremen are ina absolute freefall and Freiburg is one of the only teams in Germany that really does try to park the bus and grind out matches. 1 Frankfurter

Paderborn v. Hoffenheim – There is nothing redeeming in watching this match, which you would need to jump through hoops to actually watch live. DO NOT JUMP THROUGH HOOPS. 0 Frankfurters

Wolfsburg v. Borussia Dortmund (FS1) – John Brooks and Wolfsburg have climbed into a Europa spot and Dortmund were probably the most impressive side last weekend. Complicating factors is a Der Klassiker on Tuesday. Watch this match, with us even (slide into those DMs for the link). 5 Frankfurters

Borussia Mönchengladbach v. Bayer Leverkusen (FS2) – Mönchengladbach was easily 1b in terms of impressive teams last week, however that may have been more due to shitty defenses (Schalke in BVB’s case and Frankfurt’s in the case of Gladbach). This is a 3 v 5 matchup and only 2 points separate these teams from Champions League and Europa. Kai Havertz had a great weekend for Leverkusen and most big-time clubs across Europe are keeping an eye on him. If you can figure out two screens, do it and throw this one on the second! 4 Frankfurters
Bayern Munich v. Eintracht Frankfurt (FS1) – This match could (should) be a bloodbath. Frankfurt allowed three goals last week including two in seven minutes last week. Bayern may rest some players ahead of their match with Dortmund on Tuesday, especially if they build an early lead (thanks new five substitution rule). 3 Frankfurters

May 24
6:30 am
Schalke v. Augsburg (FS1) – Sunday at 6:30 am is a large ask, especially when Augsburg and Schalke are involved. Augsburg hasn’t kept a clean sheet in 5 months, Schalke’s defense was cut through like a nice German Apfelstrudel. Tthere will be goals. 3 Frankfurters

8:30 am
Mainz 05 v. RB Leipzig (FS1) – Tyler Adams was easily the best player on the pitch for Leipzig last week and both of these teams ended with draws, albeit in very different circumstances. I can’t imagine that Leipzig will miss as many sitters as they did last weekend, so this one should be a rout for RasenBallsport 3.5 Frankfurters

11:00 am
FC Köln v. Fortuna Düsseldorf (FS1) – Honestly, the only two reasons to watch are Hennes IX and Zack Steffen and both are out for the match, one due to injury and the other because Bundesliga officials are assholes! Düsseldorf needs this one more as they are fighting to get out of the relegation playoff spot so they have the motivation. 2 Frankfurters


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